waytodie | {Open

waytodie

Yelena Belova ~ MCU
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From:

waytodie

Which is obviously the best part.

From:

endof_theline

It is.
I'm just. You know. Me.

From:

waytodie

But I like you. Just as you are. You never have to be someone else with me, solnyshko.

From:

endof_theline

Just as I am?
I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like I hold you back.

From:

endof_theline

It's so different from anything he's used to. So new, even if they've had stolen moments like this before.

Not completely though, because there was always trepidation and fear, and the Soldier doesn't always know how to act- but when she climbs into bed, pressing close to him, he can't imagine this could be wrong.

"I did". he answers plainly, pressing back against her. 'i always miss you when you're not around
.

From:

waytodie

“You are so sweet,” she says, nuzzling at his neck. “And warm,” she adds with an amused huff, curling her fingers into the material of his shirt.

Yelena settles there with him, pressing her forehead against the back of his neck and just breathing him in. She knows it won’t last, but these small moments of peace are a blessing she wants to soak in.

From:

waytodie

What? No. Why do you say that?

From:

endof_theline

Well- I'm not good with people, I never wanna go anywhere. I know you wanna be out there living your life.

From:

waytodie

You don’t have to always go with me. And you make compromises to do things out with me. You’ve come so far, and being social isn’t easy for everyone and that’s okay. You aren’t holding me back from anything, I promise.

From:

endof_theline

Missing her was one of the first emotions he learned. It was intense feeling that felt overwhelming. It's not as bad now that they've escaped together, but he still feels it when she's not around.

The next thing he learned was relief, which is what he's feeling now as she settles in against him. He can let go of the outside world for a moment when she's curled around him.

"You're chilly." He nuzzles her, tightening his arms around her to warm her up.

From:

endof_theline

Would you really tell me if it was any different?

From:

waytodie

Of course I would. I wi ll always be honest with you. Haven't I always been before?

From:

waytodie

Emotions are messy, and Yelena does her best most days to box hers up inside her head, but it's rather often they spill out across her face, into her body language, and sometimes in tears on her cheeks. She tries to help him, as things go on, because being a person, instead of a weapon, is so very overwhelming for both of them, in their own different ways. Sometimes, she thinks she has it better, more of a foundation for that messiness because of how blank-slated his handlers had always made him.

"It is very cold," she agrees with a nod against him. She presses her lips in a soft kiss at his shoulder.

From:

endof_theline

You have been, yeah.
But I also know you don't wanna hurt me, and maybe you think that will.

From:

waytodie

And I always will be. You can trust that. Yes, I do not want to hurt you, but... in my opinion, given our histories, lying would be more harmful in the end.

From:

endof_theline

Thanks.
You're right.

I just worry, I guess. It gets stuck inside my head.

From:

waytodie

I have my moments. It’s okay, I get it. I can do that about things sometimes, too. It is a very specific and narrow view the both of us have of the world at large. We can always talk things through, though, any time you want or need to.

From:

endof_theline

A lot of real good ones.

I feel like you handle it so much better than I do. And I know it's not because you have a different experience, but you're just bright and alive despite it all.
And here I am, being such a downer, getting stuck up here for reasons I should be able to move past.

And it's hard for me to talk about because it sounds so terrible.

From:

waytodie

You flatter me. I like it. After our respective captured with our agencies, I was technically more socialized than you. Not in good ways, necessarily, Dreykov did like putting us girls against each other just as much as he wanted to make sure we could work in tandem as units. But until you became close to me… until we broke out, you were so much more isolated. I am not laying excuses at your feet, solnyshko, but it is an understandable thing that sometimes the social situations are more overwhelming for you, in my opinion. Moving past things is not easy. And you have come so far from before. Don’t discourage yourself. Words are hard. Explaining feelings is even worse. But I can listen. And I will not judge you. I love you, moy soldat. I would do anything for you.

From:

endof_theline

I love you too.

I know you're right- and I'm lucky to have you.

I'm sorry you have to talk me off a ledge like this. But I promise I'll try to stop discouraging myself.

From:

waytodie

I still get that giddy, fluttery feeling when you say so. And I, you. Even if you do not always believe it. I would not be who I am without you. You would do the same for me. I know it is easier said than done. But trying is all I ask.