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[waytodie]

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Yelena Belova ~ MCU General RP Open Permissions

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Comments

[waytodie]

Some of it is okay.
Mostly, I just want the time with you.

[endof_theline]

Well, I wanna do what you like too.

[waytodie]

Both is always an option.

[endof_theline]

Can I admit to you that the decision making process is still very overwhelming to me, so if you can figure out somewhere for us to go, that doesn't involve me standing up in front of a crowd, but also having fun with you, I'd be very grateful?

[waytodie]

Of course, baby.
I will find a place, and it'll be fun.
Are we counting being mixed into a crowd as in front of one, or is that a safe option?

[endof_theline]

Mixed into a crowd could be ok. As long as it's not massive.

[waytodie]

Something on the smaller side, but not too intimate so that it feels like people are watching you.
I can work with these things.

[endof_theline]

Yeah. That sounds good.
And I'll be with you.

[waytodie]

Which is obviously the best part.

[endof_theline]

It is.
I'm just. You know. Me.

[waytodie]

But I like you. Just as you are.
You never have to be someone else with me, solnyshko.

[endof_theline]

Just as I am?
I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like I hold you back.

[waytodie]

What? No.
Why do you say that?

[endof_theline]

Well- I'm not good with people, I never wanna go anywhere. I know you wanna be out there living your life.

[waytodie]

You don’t have to always go with me.
And you make compromises to do things out with me.
You’ve come so far, and being social isn’t easy for everyone and that’s okay.
You aren’t holding me back from anything, I promise.

[endof_theline]

Would you really tell me if it was any different?

[waytodie]

Of course I would. I wi ll always be honest with you.
Haven't I always been before?

[endof_theline]

You have been, yeah.
But I also know you don't wanna hurt me, and maybe you think that will.

[waytodie]

And I always will be. You can trust that.
Yes, I do not want to hurt you, but... in my opinion, given our histories, lying would be more harmful in the end.

[endof_theline]

Thanks.
You're right.

I just worry, I guess. It gets stuck inside my head.

[waytodie]

I have my moments.

It’s okay, I get it. I can do that about things sometimes, too.
It is a very specific and narrow view the both of us have of the world at large.
We can always talk things through, though, any time you want or need to.

[endof_theline]

A lot of real good ones.

I feel like you handle it so much better than I do. And I know it's not because you have a different experience, but you're just bright and alive despite it all.
And here I am, being such a downer, getting stuck up here for reasons I should be able to move past.

And it's hard for me to talk about because it sounds so terrible.

[waytodie]

You flatter me.
I like it.

After our respective captured with our agencies, I was technically more socialized than you.
Not in good ways, necessarily, Dreykov did like putting us girls against each other just as much as he wanted to make sure we could work in tandem as units.
But until you became close to me… until we broke out, you were so much more isolated.

I am not laying excuses at your feet, solnyshko, but it is an understandable thing that sometimes the social situations are more overwhelming for you, in my opinion. Moving past things is not easy. And you have come so far from before. Don’t discourage yourself.

Words are hard. Explaining feelings is even worse.
But I can listen. And I will not judge you.
I love you, moy soldat. I would do anything for you.

[endof_theline]

I love you too.

I know you're right- and I'm lucky to have you.

I'm sorry you have to talk me off a ledge like this. But I promise I'll try to stop discouraging myself.

[waytodie]

I still get that giddy, fluttery feeling when you say so.

And I, you. Even if you do not always believe it. I would not be who I am without you.

You would do the same for me.
I know it is easier said than done. But trying is all I ask.