Can I admit to you that the decision making process is still very overwhelming to me, so if you can figure out somewhere for us to go, that doesn't involve me standing up in front of a crowd, but also having fun with you, I'd be very grateful?
You don’t have to always go with me. And you make compromises to do things out with me. You’ve come so far, and being social isn’t easy for everyone and that’s okay. You aren’t holding me back from anything, I promise.
And I always will be. You can trust that. Yes, I do not want to hurt you, but... in my opinion, given our histories, lying would be more harmful in the end.
It’s okay, I get it. I can do that about things sometimes, too. It is a very specific and narrow view the both of us have of the world at large. We can always talk things through, though, any time you want or need to.
I feel like you handle it so much better than I do. And I know it's not because you have a different experience, but you're just bright and alive despite it all. And here I am, being such a downer, getting stuck up here for reasons I should be able to move past.
And it's hard for me to talk about because it sounds so terrible.
After our respective captured with our agencies, I was technically more socialized than you. Not in good ways, necessarily, Dreykov did like putting us girls against each other just as much as he wanted to make sure we could work in tandem as units. But until you became close to me… until we broke out, you were so much more isolated.
I am not laying excuses at your feet, solnyshko, but it is an understandable thing that sometimes the social situations are more overwhelming for you, in my opinion. Moving past things is not easy. And you have come so far from before. Don’t discourage yourself.
Words are hard. Explaining feelings is even worse. But I can listen. And I will not judge you. I love you, moy soldat. I would do anything for you.
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zvi
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Date: 2024-11-28 07:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-28 07:23 am (UTC)I will find a place, and it'll be fun.
Are we counting being mixed into a crowd as in front of one, or is that a safe option?
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Date: 2024-11-28 07:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-28 07:28 am (UTC)I can work with these things.
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Date: 2024-11-28 07:31 am (UTC)And I'll be with you.
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Date: 2024-11-28 07:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-28 07:33 am (UTC)I'm just. You know. Me.
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Date: 2024-11-28 07:34 am (UTC)You never have to be someone else with me, solnyshko.
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Date: 2024-11-28 07:47 am (UTC)I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like I hold you back.
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Date: 2024-11-28 02:27 pm (UTC)Why do you say that?
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Date: 2024-11-28 02:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-28 02:57 pm (UTC)And you make compromises to do things out with me.
You’ve come so far, and being social isn’t easy for everyone and that’s okay.
You aren’t holding me back from anything, I promise.
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Date: 2024-11-28 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-28 03:34 pm (UTC)Haven't I always been before?
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Date: 2024-11-30 02:23 am (UTC)But I also know you don't wanna hurt me, and maybe you think that will.
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Date: 2024-11-30 02:55 pm (UTC)Yes, I do not want to hurt you, but... in my opinion, given our histories, lying would be more harmful in the end.
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Date: 2024-11-30 06:40 pm (UTC)You're right.
I just worry, I guess. It gets stuck inside my head.
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Date: 2024-12-05 07:29 pm (UTC)It’s okay, I get it. I can do that about things sometimes, too.
It is a very specific and narrow view the both of us have of the world at large.
We can always talk things through, though, any time you want or need to.
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Date: 2024-12-05 07:43 pm (UTC)I feel like you handle it so much better than I do. And I know it's not because you have a different experience, but you're just bright and alive despite it all.
And here I am, being such a downer, getting stuck up here for reasons I should be able to move past.
And it's hard for me to talk about because it sounds so terrible.
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Date: 2024-12-06 04:47 pm (UTC)I like it.
After our respective captured with our agencies, I was technically more socialized than you.
Not in good ways, necessarily, Dreykov did like putting us girls against each other just as much as he wanted to make sure we could work in tandem as units.
But until you became close to me… until we broke out, you were so much more isolated.
I am not laying excuses at your feet, solnyshko, but it is an understandable thing that sometimes the social situations are more overwhelming for you, in my opinion. Moving past things is not easy. And you have come so far from before. Don’t discourage yourself.
Words are hard. Explaining feelings is even worse.
But I can listen. And I will not judge you.
I love you, moy soldat. I would do anything for you.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-07 01:21 am (UTC)I know you're right- and I'm lucky to have you.
I'm sorry you have to talk me off a ledge like this. But I promise I'll try to stop discouraging myself.
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Date: 2024-12-08 09:14 pm (UTC)And I, you. Even if you do not always believe it. I would not be who I am without you.
You would do the same for me.
I know it is easier said than done. But trying is all I ask.
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Date: 2024-12-08 11:58 pm (UTC)That's definitely true for me too.
I would. I'd do anything for you.
I really will try my best. Thanks for helping me.
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Date: 2024-12-11 08:58 am (UTC)I know you would.
Of course. You can always talk to me.
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Date: 2024-12-12 01:32 am (UTC)Let's go out and do something. I'm feeling better about it now.
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From:thank you, my soldier;
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